Act 2: Scene 3

            SCENE 3

(Inside the Wizard’s chambers, ELPHABA searches for the lever to the Monkey Cage. Suddenly—the WIZARD appears.)

OZ HEAD VOICE

I knew you’d you be back!

WIZARD

Just hear me out! I don’t wanna harm you!

ELPHABA

You have harmed me!

WIZARD

I know that! And I regret it. Elphaba—

ELPHABA

Stay where you are! I’m setting those Monkeys free and if you try to interfere or call you guards—

WIZARD

I’m not going to call anyone! Truth is, I’m glad to see you again. Get’s pretty lonely for me around here. I know you must get lonely too.

ELPHABA

You don’t know the first thing about me!

WIZARD

Oh but I do. I know the real reason you came back here. It’s the why everyone comes to see the Wizard. So I can grant their heart’s desire.

ELPHABA

I don’t want anything from you!

WIZARD

Sure you do! You want to stop fighting, stop running. Elphaba, you’ve been so strong through all this. Aren’t you tired of being the strong one? Wouldn’t you like someone to take care of you? Please, can’t we start again?

ELPHABA

Don’t you think I wish I could? I’d give anything to turn back the clocks, go back to that time when I actually believed that you were wonderful! The Wonderful Wizard of Oz! No one believed in you more than I did.

WIZARD

Elphaba, try to understand, I never had a family of my own—I was always travelin’. So I guess I just wanted to give the citizens of Oz everything.

ELPHABA

So you lied to them.

WIZARD

Only verbally. Besides, they were the lies they wanted to hear!

I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS

OR PLANNED IT IN ADVANCE

I WAS MERELY BLOWN HERE

BY THE WINDS OF CHANCE

I NEVER SAW MYSELF

AS A SOLOMON OR SOCRATES

I KNEW WHO I WAS:

ONE OF YOUR DIME-A-DOZEN

MEDIOCRITIES

THEN SUDDENLY I’M HERE

RESPECTED—WORSHIPPED EVEN

JUST BECAUSE THE FOLKS IN OZ

NEEDED SOMEONE TO BELIEVE IN

DOES IT SURPRISE YOU

I GOT HOOKED, AND ALL TOO SOON?

WHAT CAN I SAY?

I GOT CARRIED AWAY

AND NOT JUST BY BALLOON…

WONDERFUL

THEY CALL ME “WONDERFUL”

SO I SAID “WONDERFUL—IF YOU INSIST

I WILL BE WONDERFUL”

AND THEY SAID “WONDERFUL”

BELIEVE ME, IT’S HARD TO RESIST

‘CAUSE IT FEELS WONDERFUL

THEY THINK I’M WONDERFUL

HEY LOOK WHO’S WONDERFUL

THIS CORN-FED HICK

WHO SAID: “IT MIGHT BE KEEN

TO BUILD A TOWN OF GREEN

AND A WONDERFUL ROAD OF YELLOW BRICK!”

ELPHABA

It’s all just smoke and mirrors and that’s the truth!

WIZARD

            THE TRUTH IS NOT A THING OF FACT OR REASON

THE TRUTH IS JUST WHAT EV’RYONE AGREES ON

Where I come from, we believe all sorts of things that aren’t true. We call it—“history.”

                        (Sings)

A MAN’S CALLED A “TRAITOR”—OR “LIBERATOR”

A RICH MAN’S A “THIEF”—OR “PHILANTHROPIST”

IS ONE A “CRUSADER”—OR “RUTHLESS INVADER?”

IT’S ALL IN WHICH LABEL

IS ABEL TO PERSIST

THERE ARE PRECIOUS FEW AT EASE

WITH MORAL AMBIGUITIES

SO WE ACT AS THOUGH THEY DON’T EXIST

THEY CALL ME “WONDERFUL”

SO I AM WONDERFUL

IN FACT, IT’S SO MUCH WHO I AM

IT’S PART OF MY NAME

AND WITH MY HELP, YOU CAN BE THE SAME!

AT LONG, LONG LAST RECEIVE YOUR DUE—

LONG OVERDUE

ELPHABA—THE MOST CELEBRATED

ARE THE REHABILITATED

THERE’LL BE SUCH A… WHOOP-DE-DOO

A CELEBRATION THROUGHOUT OZ

THAT’S ALL TO DO—WITH YOU…

WONDERFUL

THEY’LL CALL YOU WONDERFUL

ELPHABA

            IT DOES SOUND WONDERFUL…

WIZARD

            TRUST ME IT’S FUN…

            WHEN YOU ARE WONDERFUL

ELPHABA

            I COULD BE WONDERFUL

WIZARD

            YES! WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL—

ELPHABA

            WAIT!—I’LL ACCEPT YOUR PROPOSITION…

WIZARD

Wonderful!

ELPHABA

            ON ONE CONDITION—

WIZARD

Yes?

ELPHABA

            YOU SET THOSE MONKEYS FREE…

WIZARD

Done!

            (He pulls the lever, the cage opens, and the winged Monkeys fly out of their prison.)

ELPHABA

Fly! You’re free! Fly, Monkeys! You’re free! Chistery, you’re free! Now Fly! Fly! You under the blanket!

WIZARD

No! Wait!

            (It is her old friend DOCTOR DILLAMOND.)

ELPHABA

No. It can’t be. Doctor Dillamond?

WIZARD

Elphaba, we couldn’t let him continue speaking out.

ELPHABA

Doctor Dillamond, are you alright? Don’t be afraid. It’s me Elphaba. Doctor Dillamond, don’t you remember me?

DILLAMOND

Baaaaaa

ELPHABA

Can’t you speak?

DILLAMOND

Baaaaaaaa

            (She turns to the WIZARD, furious at him and at herself for ever having trusted him.)

ELPHABA

You and I have nothing in common. I’m nothing like you and I never will be. And I’ll fight you till the day I die!

            (And with this, the WIZARD immediately rushes behind his Giant Head.)

OZ HEAD

Guards! Guards!

(Two GUARDS appear. ELPHABA backs away from them, brandishing her broom, when she stops short: One of the GUARDS is FIYERO.)

FIYERO

Are you alright, Your Ozness?

ELPHABA

Fiyero! Fiyero, thank Oz!

FIYERO

Silence, witch!

GUARD

There’s a Goat on the lam, sir.

FIYERO

I know that. Just fetch me some water!

GUARD

Water, sir?

FIYERO

You heard me! As much as you can carry!  

GUARDS

Yes sir!

            (They march out)

ELPHABA

Fiyero, not you too!

FIYERO

I said silence!

            (FIYERO pulls the WIZARD out from behind his Giant Head.)

WIZARD

No!

FIYERO

Don’t make a sound, Your Ozness! Unless you want all of your guests to know the truth about the Wonderful Wizard of Oz! Elphaba, I will find Dillamond later now get out of here!

ELPHABA

Fiyero, you frightened me. I thought you might have changed.

FIYERO

I have changed.

            (GLINDA has heard the commotion.)

GLINDA

What’s going on? I thought I heard… Elphie! Oh thank Oz you’re alive!

            (She rushes to embrace her long-lost friend.)

GLINDA

Oh but you shouldn’t have come! If anyone discoverates you—

FIYERO

Glinda, you better go.

GLINDA

Fiyero, what are you doing?

FIYERO

Please just go back to the ball!

GLINDA

Your Ozness, he means no disrespectation. Please understand, we all went to school together.

FIYERO

Elphaba!

GLINDA

Fiyero, have you misplaced your mind?! What are you doing?!

FIYERO

I’m going with her.

GLINDA

What?

ELPHABA

What?

GLINDA

What are saying? That the two of you… all this time behind my back?

ELPHABA

No it wasn’t like that!

FIYERO

Well, it was. But it wasn’t. Let’s go.

            (FIYERO leaves with ELPHABA.)

GLINDA

Fine! Go! You deserve each other!

WIZARD

Here have a swig of this. Dulls the pain.

GLINDA

No thank you.

            (MORRIBLE rushes in.)

MORRIBLE

Is it true? Is it true your betrothed has brought her into custody?

WIZARD

I’m afraid our new Captain of the Guard had other plans.

MORRIBLE

What? She’s not been captured?

WIZARD

Quite the opposite, considering how well she eluded us last time.

MORRIBLE

We must smoke her out! Force her to show herself!

WIZARD

But how?

GLINDA

Her sister.

MORRIBLE

What? What’d she say?

GLINDA

Use her sister. Spread a rumor. Make her think her sister’s in trouble. She will fly to her side and you will have her.

WIZARD

Exactly so.

GLINDA

And now if Your Ozness will excuse me I have a slight headache. I think I’ll go lie down.

            (GLINDA runs out.)

MORRIBLE

A rumor won’t do it. Elphaba’s too smart.

WIZARD

Far too smart.

MORRIBLE

Perhaps a change in the weather!

(As MORRIBLE, a weather expert, cooks up a terrible storm, GLINDA wanders off, sad and alone.)

GLINDA

DON’T WISH, DON’T START

WISHING ONLY WOUNDS THE HEART…

THERE’S A GIRL I KNOW

HE LOVES HER SO

I’M NOT THAT GIRL…