Act 1: Scene 7

            SCENE 7

          (Back in their dormitory room, ELPHABA and GALINDA have been up all night.)

GALINDA

Your very first party ever?

ELPHABA

Do funerals count?

GALINDA

You very first party! I know, let’s each tell the other something we’ve never told anyone! I’ll go first! Fiyero and I are going to be married!

ELPHABA

He’s asked you already?!

GALINDA

No, he doesn’t know yet. Now you tell me a secret.

ELPHABA

Like what?

GALINDA

Like… like why do you sleep with this funny little green bottle underneath your pillow?

ELPHABA

Give it back!

GALINDA

Come on, tell me!

ELPHABA

Give it to me now!

GALINDA

Tell me!

ELPHABA

It was my mothers! That’s all.

GALINDA

That’s not fair, I told you a really good one!

ELPHABA

My father hates me.

            (GALINDA gasps)

ELPHABA

That’s not the secret. The secret is he has a good reason. It’s my fault.

GALINDA

What? What is?

ELPHABA

The reason my sister is the way she is. You see, when our mother was carrying Nessa, my father began to worry that the new baby might come out…

GALINDA & ELPHABA

…green…

ELPHABA

He was so worried he made our mother chew milk flowers day and night. Only it made Nessa come too soon, with her little legs all tangled. And our mother never woke up. None of which would have ever happened if not for me.

GALINDA

But that was the milk flower’s fault, not yours. That may be your secret, Elphaba, but it doesn’t make it true. Look—it’s tomorrow! And Elphie—is it alright if I call you Elphie?

ELPHABA

Well, it’s a little perky.

GALINDA

And you can call me… Galinda. You see Elphie, now that we’re friends, I’ve decided to make you my new project.

ELPHABA

You really don’t have to do that.

GALINDA

I know. That’s what make me so nice!

                        (Sings)

WHENEVER I SEE SOMEONE

LESS FORTUNATE THAN I

AND LET’S FACE IT—WHO ISN’T

LESS FORTUNATE THAN I?

MY TENDER HEART

TENDS TO START TO BLEED

AND WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS A MAKEOVER

I SIMPLY HAVE TO TAKE OVER

I KNOW I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED

AND EVEN IN YOUR CASE

THO’ IT’S THE TOUGHEST CASE I’VE YET TO FACE

DON’T WORRY—I’M DETERMINED TO SUCCEED

FOLLOW MY LEAD

AND YES, INDEED

YOU WILL BE…

POPULAR!

YOU’RE GONNA BE POPULAR!

I’LL TEACH YOU THE PROPER PLOYS

WHEN YOU TALK TO BOYS

LITTLE WAYS TO FLIRT AND FLOUNCE

I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT SHOES TO WEAR

HOW TO FIX YOUR HAIR

EVERYTHING THAT REALLY COUNTS TO BE POPULAR!

I’LL HELP YOU BE POPULAR!

YOU’LL HANG WITH THE RIGHT COHORTS

YOU’LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS

KNOW THE SLANG YOU’VE GOT TO KNOW

SO LET’S START

‘CAUSE YOU’VE GOT AN AWF’LLY LONG WAY TO GO…

DON’T BE OFFENDED BY MY FRANK ANALYSIS

THINK OF IT AS PERSONALITY DIALYSIS

NOW THAT I’VE CHOSEN TO BECOME A PAL, A SIS—

TER AND ADVISER

THERE’S NOBODY WISER

NOT WHEN IT COMES TO POPULAR—

I KNOW ABOUT POPULAR

AND WITH AN ASSIST FROM ME

TO BE WHO YOU’LL BE

INSTEAD OF DREARY WHO-YOU-WERE… ARE…

THERE’S NOTHING THAT CAN STOP YOU

FROM BECOMING POPU—

LER… LAR…

LA LA LA LA

WE’RE GONNA MAKE

YOU POPULAR…

WHEN I SEE DEPRESSING CREATURES

WITH UNPREPOSSESSING FEATURES

I REMIND THEM ON THEIR OWN BEHALF

TO THINK OF

CELEBRATED HEADS OF STATE OR

‘SPECIALLY GREAT COMMUNICATORS

DID THEY HAVE BRAINS OR KNOWLEDGE?

DON’T MAKE ME LAUGH!

THEY WERE POPULAR! PLEASE—

IT’S ALL ABOUT POPULAR!

IT’S NOT ABOUT APTITUDE

IT’S THE WAY YOU’RE VIEWED

SO IT’S VERY SHREWD TO BE

VERY VERY POPULAR

LIKE ME!

ELPHABA

This is never going to work…

GALINDA

Elphie! You mustn’t think that way anymore! Your whole life is going to change! And all because of me! First: hair. See? This is how you toss your hair: Toss. Toss.

            (She demonstrates and ELPHABA tries.)

GALINDA

Well—you’ll practice! And now—

            (She picks up her new magic wand—it’s quite small, a training wand.)

GALINDA

I shall transform your simple “frock” into a magnificent ball gown. Ball gown.

            (She tries and fails, then examines the wand, puzzled.)

GALINDA

Is this thing on?

ELPHABA

You want me to try?

GALINDA

Oh, just wear the frock it’s pretty! Oh—and this!

            (GALINDA takes a flower from her own hair, pins in into ELPHABA’S.)

GALINDA

Pink goes good with green. Why, Miss Elphaba—look at you. You’re beautiful.

(She guides her friend to a mirror. ELPHABA stares at herself: For a moment it seems possible. And then—she forces herself to turn away.)

ELPHABA

I—I have to go—

GALINDA

You’re welcome!

                        (Sings)

AND THO’ YOU PROTEST

YOUR DISINTEREST

I KNOW CLANDESTINEDLY

YOU’RE GONNA GRIN AND BEAR IT

YOUR NEW-FOUND POPULARITY—

LA LA LA LA

YOU’LL BE POPULAR

JUST NOT QUITE AS POPULAR

AS ME!